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  • Ezekiel Bathfire
    Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
    Christ's Rottweiler
     
    • Jan 2008
    • 22895

    #1

    Paul the Octopus is “Of Satan”

    Octopuses Octopi Octopii These creatures are abominations:

    Le:11:12: Whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in the waters, that shall be an abomination unto you.

    Click image for larger version

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    Many of you will have seen this fish, which is owned and operated by the Germans. It is in the news because it can apparently predict the future. In the Soccer World Cup somewhere in Africa, this creature has correctly predicted the results of 5 matches;
    • Germany v. Serbia, Germany lose - God’s warning against divination
    • Germany v. Ghana, Germany win - Satan tightens his hold but God watches the sinners
    • Germany v. England, Germany win - Satan is laughing but God starts to be wrathful
    • Germany v. Argentina, Germany win - Satan has hold of the German soul but God has waxed wrathful
    • Germany v. Spain. This was the match that would decide who would progress to the next round. Germany loses!


    Many of you will think, “Oh! How amusing, an Octopus with magical powers."

    Not at all, God has left Germany, He has become their enemy and just at the point at which a victory was needed, He smote them with a great smittance! He delivered the flower of their manhood unto the Euro-Messicants!

    How does the Octopus do it? He is channelling the spirits of the dead. Conjuring from their graves and forcing them to divulge secrets known only to them. God leaves such people to defeat and misery!

    How do we know this? 1Sa:28:3 - 25

    In this chapter we see King Saul who has just banished witches from his kingom but now sees an army of Philistines arrayed against him. He prays to The Lord but receives no reply. He panics and seeks out The Witch of Endor! And, guaranteeing her safety, he asks her to conjure the prophet Samuel from his grave.

    (This is exactly the same as having an octopus predict the outcome of a soccer match)

    She does this and Samuel appears!
    1Sa:28:15: And Samuel said to Saul, Why hast thou disquieted me, to bring me up? And Saul answered, I am sore distressed; for the Philistines make war against me, and God is departed from me, and answereth me no more, neither by prophets, nor by dreams: therefore I have called thee, that thou mayest make known unto me what I shall do.
    1Sa:28:16: Then said Samuel, Wherefore then dost thou ask of me, seeing the LORD is departed from thee, and is become thine enemy?

    Now if the Lord is thy enemy, all is lost, and Saul knows it. We have to wait until Ch30 to hear the confirmed result
    […]

    1Sa:30:1: And it came to pass, when David and his men were come to Ziklag on the third day, that the Amalekites had invaded the south, and Ziklag, and smitten Ziklag, and burned it with fire;
    1Sa:30:2: And had taken the women captives, that were therein: they slew not any, either great or small, but carried them away, and went on their way.
    1Sa:30:3: So David and his men came to the city, and, behold, it was burned with fire; and their wives, and their sons, and their daughters, were taken captives.

    Indeed, The Lord was displeased with Saul and thus his defeat was assured. He was defeated as he had lacked faith and had disobeyed the Lord’s Commands.

    I seriously doubt that when the German team get home that any of their wives and children will be there.
    sigpic


    “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

    Author of such illuminating essays as,
    Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
  • Cranky Old Man
    Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah
    You kids get off his lawn!
     
    • Jan 2010
    • 22375

    #2
    Re: Paul the Octopus is “Of Satan”

    It's even worse. He predicted almost all matches correctly 2 years ago as well. I will pray that his next prediction will turn out to be wrong so people will stop paying attention to this puppet of Satan!
    5 Reasons why GOD HATES WOMEN!
    To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
    James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."

    Comment

    • Nobar King
      Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58
      Christ's Guardian
      True Christian™
      • Sep 2007
      • 23748

      #3
      Re: Paul the Octopus is “Of Satan”

      I'm sure that this whole thing is rigged. The operators try to make it look even, but even I know that they put Lawry's seasoning in the box that has the better odds. No octopus can resist that.
      May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

      Comment

      • Oakland "Reb" Griner
        True Christian™
        True Christian™
        • Jun 2009
        • 2241

        #4
        Re: Paul the Octopus is “Of Satan”

        Where do those awful things come from?

        Do nuns birth them in convents?

        Jud 1:15 To execute judgment upon all, and to convince all that are unGodly among them of all their unGodly deeds which they have unGodly committed, and of all their hard [speeches] which unGodly sinners have spoken against him.

        Comment

        • Daisy Mae Johnson
          The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint
          Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running
          aka the Biblethumpin Blonde
          True Christian™
          • Sep 2006
          • 15708

          #5
          Re: Paul the Octopus is “Of Satan”

          Enjoy Hell creation of Satan!
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          Comment

          • Jo Freddie
            Unsaved trash
            Hateful God mocking pirate
            • Apr 2009
            • 6339

            #6
            Re: Paul the Octopus is “Of Satan”

            You have an unnatural aversion to beings with lots of appendages don't you?
            Posted via Pasta

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            Read the TRUE Gospel The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (ISBN 978-0-00-723160-7)
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            • Cranky Old Man
              Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah
              You kids get off his lawn!
               
              • Jan 2010
              • 22375

              #7
              Re: Paul the Octopus is “Of Satan”

              Originally posted by Jo Freddie View Post
              You have an unnatural aversion to beings with lots of appendages don't you?
              Paul the Octopus, like all creatures with more than 4 legs or tentacles, is pure evil. Once his next prediction turns out to be wrong (which has the unfortunate side effect of Holland becoming world champion) I am sure he will be killed and forgotten.
              5 Reasons why GOD HATES WOMEN!
              To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
              James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."

              Comment

              • Ezekiel Bathfire
                Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
                Christ's Rottweiler
                 
                • Jan 2008
                • 22895

                #8
                Re: Paul the Octopus is “Of Satan”

                This 8-legged bag of evil, minion of the Anti-Christ, again consulted the Dead and foretold that Uruguay would lose against Germany. It came to pass. Now the beast says Spain will win!

                I was looking for an explanation in the Bible, God's Revealed Word, and did not find one. So it was fortunate that Nephew Zebulun came round; he knows about such things as this.

                Her explained that God did in fact have a Plan. It was along the lines of "The Three Card Trick".

                Puzzled? Never heard of it? Neither had I, so Nephew Zebulun said he would demonstrate:

                A card-sharp (Zebulun took this part) will take 3 cards, one of which will be a Queen. He will then place the cards on his table and shuffle them around. To win, the mark (e.g. me) has to say which one is the Queen.

                (Zebulun demonstrated this with a pack of cards he said he had seized from a den of vice.)

                The card-sharp let's you win 3 or 4 times (Ha! I did! $50 each time!) then proposes a huge bet on the next go, succumbing to greed, you agree. (Which I did for the sake of the experiment.)

                Zebulun won the final trick and left with $5,000 of mine.

                Apparently, the same will happen to those who bet on Spain. That is God's plan. I must say it's a little harsh, I had plans for that $5,000.
                sigpic


                “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

                Author of such illuminating essays as,
                Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

                Comment

                • The Disciple
                  Forum Member
                  Forum Member
                  • Jul 2010
                  • 74

                  #9
                  Re: Paul the Octopus is “Of Satan”

                  Put Paul in the pot.
                  I would plump for a simple recipe were basically you braise the octopus in its own juices, then cut it into pieces and dress it with a paprika-garlic sauce when it is still warm. This is a variant of a Spanish recipe known as "a la gallega." Any size octopus will work with this recipe, which serves 4 as a starter or tapas.
                  Exod.22

                  " 1. [17] If her father utterly refuse to give her unto him, he shall pay money according to the dowry of virgins."

                  Comment

                  • Sister Charli
                    True Christian™
                    True Christian™
                    • Jun 2010
                    • 1590

                    #10
                    Re: Paul the Octopus is “Of Satan”

                    Ooooops ....

                    2 Chronicles 7:14
                    14 If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land Australia.

                    Comment

                    • BelieverInGod
                      Fourm Member
                      Forum Member
                      • Feb 2010
                      • 9269

                      #11
                      Re: Paul the Octopus is “Of Satan”

                      Originally posted by The Disciple View Post
                      Put Paul in the pot.
                      I would plump for a simple recipe were basically you braise the octopus in its own juices, then cut it into pieces and dress it with a paprika-garlic sauce when it is still warm. This is a variant of a Spanish recipe known as "a la gallega." Any size octopus will work with this recipe, which serves 4 as a starter or tapas.
                      Isn't Octopus like Calamari though, the bigger the animal the tougher it is? I think Paul would be equivalent of chewing on a Goodyear about now.
                      Drama queen

                      Comment

                      • Cranky Old Man
                        Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah
                        You kids get off his lawn!
                         
                        • Jan 2010
                        • 22375

                        #12
                        Re: Paul the Octopus is “Of Satan”

                        Amazing, Paul the Octopus was correct again. All his predictions turned out to be correct. Apparently God hates Holland more than He hates this octopus. I am certain this octopus will die in a few days. Does anyone know where he lives?
                        5 Reasons why GOD HATES WOMEN!
                        To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
                        James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."

                        Comment

                        • Dirk
                          True Christian™
                          • Apr 2010
                          • 1425

                          #13
                          Re: Paul the Octopus is “Of Satan”

                          Why do you ask?

                          Comment

                          • Benedict A. Davis
                            Winning Souls in his Winnebago
                            True Christian™
                            • May 2010
                            • 3900

                            #14
                            Re: Paul the Octopus is “Of Satan”

                            The octopus has 8 legs, could it actually be ''the spider of the sea''? If so the Bible fortells the octopus getting the picks correct. Please consider Proverbs 30. 24-28 as it says

                            24: There be four things which are little upon the earth, but they are exceeding wise:
                            25: The ants are a people not strong, yet they prepare their meat in the summer;
                            26: The conies are but a feeble folk, yet make they their houses in the rocks;
                            27: The locusts have no king, yet go they forth all of them by bands;
                            28: The spider taketh hold with her hands, and is in kings' palaces.
                            sigpic 1 Chronicles 16:15
                            Be ye mindful always of his covenant; the word which he commanded to a thousand generations ... an everlasting covenant.
                            Proverbs 30:5,6: Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.
                            Add thou not unto his words, lest he reprove thee, and thou be found a liar.

                            Comment

                            • Nobar King
                              Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58
                              Christ's Guardian
                              True Christian™
                              • Sep 2007
                              • 23748

                              #15
                              Re: Paul the Octopus is “Of Satan”

                              Paul's handlers were wise and 'retired' him before their scam could be found out.
                              Paul the octopus receives his trophy
                              An octopus credited with psychic powers is to retire from making predictions following his World Cup success, his owners say. Paul will go back to his old job "making children laugh", a spokeswoman for the German aquarium said.

                              The octopus correctly predicted the outcomes of all seven of Germany's games plus the Spain-Netherlands final. As a reward, aquarium staff presented him with his very own replica World Cup trophy garnished with his favourite food - mussels.

                              Tanja Munzig, of the Sea Life Aquarium in the western German city of Oberhausen, said they had received offers for Paul but he was not for sale. "There are a lot of offers for Paul from betting offices and other areas. One thing is clear: Paul is staying with us," she said. She added he would now "step back from the official oracle business". "He won't give any more oracle predictions - either in football, or in politics, lifestyle or economy. Paul will get back to his former job, namely making children laugh."

                              Paul made his uncanny predictions for each game by choosing a mussel from one of two jars bearing the flags of World Cup opponents. The two-year-old cephalopod quickly became a worldwide celebrity. Seemingly unimpressed with his star status, Paul at first ignored the golden trophy - adorned with three mussels - placed in his tank.

                              But after several minutes he finally picked off a mussel and devoured it in front of TV cameras.
                              Does anyone know the odds of correctly picking all of those games?
                              May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

                              Comment

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